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We live in an age where
relation ships often come with an expiry date. But however delusional it
may sound, most of us want our relationships to last a lifetime. We
spoke to relationship experts, counsellors and sexologists to find out
the key to this perfect space.
Making eye-contact when they are talking to you is essential, and so is listening to them. Psychologist and author Seema Hingoranny , says, “Communication is when you allow each other to speak and hear intently what the other is saying. It is about the comfort level you have with each other.“
When you are a good listener you can even understand things that your partner means, but has not put them into words.
INTIMACY IS THE KEY
One of the most important things for a lasting relationship is intimacy , say experts.Sexologist Dr Rajan Bhosale says, “When a couple says that they are sexually active, it does not mean that the relationship is great. There may be times when the woman may feel that she is being violated by her husband every night, because he does not arouse her enough before the act or he does not wait for her to be ready . Or maybe, it is over too soon and she does not experience an orgasm. If either partner is not satisfied, and does not feel connected, then it is not helping the relationship at all. The involvement has to be complete and both need to have equal participation.Not the frequency , but the quality of intimacy is the key to a lasting relationship.“ Don't let your demanding lifestyle make you miss action between the sheets. Doctors say that this not only has health benefits, but the hormones released due to a loving, intimate time spent together has psychological and physiological benefits.THE FOUR CS
Talking with your partner, even if it just means sharing how your day went, is necessary. Communication is the most important tool for a successful marriage that lasts forever. Dr Bhosale says, “The four Cs of communication have to be kept in mind -communication has to be Clear, Complete, Caring and Continuous.Remember that your partner is not a mind reader, so it is important to communicate.“Making eye-contact when they are talking to you is essential, and so is listening to them. Psychologist and author Seema Hingoranny , says, “Communication is when you allow each other to speak and hear intently what the other is saying. It is about the comfort level you have with each other.“
When you are a good listener you can even understand things that your partner means, but has not put them into words.
FIGHT THE RIGHT WAY
Every relationship has its fair share of arguments. But holding grudges or sweeping problems under the carpet leads to complications.Constant bickering with one another is good when it is out of your system. Seema adds, “Never get personal in a fight. Avoid getting defensive. Respect your partner even when you are having an argument and do not use the other person's weakness against them.“LEARN THE ART OF FLIRTING
When you are in a relationship for long, things tend to get monotonous and predictable. Seema says, “When you flirt with your partner, it helps in keeping the spark intact.“ Have fun and don't be scared to indulge in some harmless PDA. A healthy sexual bond can go a long way in making your relationship stronger. Simple gestures like holding hands, exchanging a smile across a room full of people, wearing the outfit that heshe likes, works wonders.ROLE PLAY IS IMPORTANT
When a couple is together for many years, they tend to take each other for granted and slowly lose the spark in the relationship. Kanan Khatau Chikhal, performance coach for life and relationships, says, “Once in a week it is important for couples to pretend they are not married and indulge in some role play , or go on a date. This is perfect if the couple is experimental in their approach. The drama and fun connect adds to the effect.“ There are however couples who are not comfortable with role play and for them Kanan recommends.“Every week a couple should go for one activity that the partner likes. For example she loves plays and he loves movies, so one weekend both go for a play and the nex weekend make a movie plan.“BE KIND. ALWAYS
Studies have found that this is one important quality that can make any relationship last longer. Displaying your wit by putting down your partner, hurting himher with your words, making unkind remarks, calling names etc., can slowly kill your relationship. Respect your partner, advice relationship counsellors.AVOID MONOTONY
Keep doing new and different things together -travelling to new places, starting a new hobby , experimenting in bed -all this will keep your relationship new and exciting. Seema adds, “Taking mini breaks and vacays is important. Surprising each other with little gifts cards and handwritten personal notes also work.“WORK TOGETHER
It is important to share responsibilities and work together as a team.Sacrificing always won't help in the long run, because invariably bitterness will creep in. So be your own person and do not let each other feel trapped in a relationship.
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