MEANINGS OF RITUALS IN BENGALI WEDDINGS

 Ashirbad

The future-in-law family visits the bride and groom and give them their blessings and other gifts like saree, jewellery, sweets etc.

Ai Buro Bhaat

The bride and groom are fed lavish, scrumptious food as their last meal at their respective home. The mother is usually said to cook all the food for her child.

Holud Kota and Ganga Nemontron

A day before the wedding, 5-7 women (has to be an odd number) grind turmeric with their hands. And on the same evening, they carry trays with banana, betel leaves and sweets to ‘invite’ the Ganges to the wedding.

Gaye Holud

The bride wears a yellow cotton saree and the turmeric from the groom’s house is pasted all over her as a good sign. She is also bathed with holy, Ganga water.

Dorpon and Bor Jatri

The groom’s mother gives him the dorpon that he has to carry during bor jatri or baraat to cast off evil spirits. The mother waits until the bride comes to the mandap and only then leaves for the baraat.

Chele Boron

This is done to welcome the groom to the wedding with a red tilak on his forehead and sweets. The father of the bride gives him new clothes and a gold ring.

Saat Paak

The bride enters the mandap on a pidi that is carried by her brothers and take seven rounds around the groom as a means of the 7 promises.

Subho Dhristi

After the 7 rounds, the wife removes the betel leaves from her hands and looks at the groom lovingly thrice. This is said to be a very popular tradition for ages.

Wedding rituals

Kanyadan, Varmala, Sindoor Daan are the usual wedding rituals that place during a Bengali wedding that is celebrated with much fervour.

Khoi Fela

This is a special ritual that takes place at the end of the wedding where the bride stands in front of the groom and her brother gives her a tray with puffed rice. The bride and groom throw this onto the fire thrice.

Expand the age-old custom of marriage

Synopsis

In February, the Centre opposed same-sex marriage by stating that marriage is based on 'age-old customs... cultural ethos and societal values', adding that even though Supreme Court's scrapping of Section 377 of IPC in 2018 decriminalised 'a particular human behaviour', it neither 'intended to, nor did in fact, legitimise the human conduct in question'. Clearly, sensitivity not being GoI's suite in this matter, it is best to stick to law.

Responding to a suite of petitions to legalise same-sex marriage, Delhi High Court has adjourned the plea. GoI, which sought an adjournment on the ground of being busy with more pressing matters of Covid mitigation, could have been more sensitive. Instead, it stated, 'nobody is dying because they don't have a marriage certificate'. In February, the Centre opposed same-sex marriage by stating that marriage is based on 'age-old customs... cultural ethos and societal values', adding that even though Supreme Court's scrapping of Section 377 of IPC in 2018 decriminalised 'a particular human behaviour', it neither 'intended to, nor did in fact, legitimise the human conduct in question'. Clearly, sensitivity not being GoI's suite in this matter, it is best to stick to law.

For one, marriage is a construct based on societal values that is sought to be expanded to include all Indian adults, not just heterosexuals. On a more practical level, being denied rights provided to 'spouses' despite being partners - a relationship beyond sexual, or 'a particular human behaviour' - violates Articles 14 (equality and equal protection), 15 (prohibition of discrimination), 19 (individual rights), and 21 (personal liberty) of the Constitution. So, expand the laws of the country by changing equality 'irrespective of gender' to 'irrespective of gender and sexual orientation'.

Without the facilitation of a marriage certificate, hurdles faced by couples in matters - ranging from decisions only a spouse can take in a hospital, to inheritance and opening a joint bank account - become full-blown barriers. It is to remove these barriers that same-sex couples should have the right to marry. Let an 'age-old custom' be allowed to expand its reach, and prevail.

Kerala high court allows marriage amid lockdown

 The high court on Thursday intervened on behalf of a Malayali US citizen whose marriage was postponed for over a year due to Covid-19 pandemic and the lockdowns. The court intervened as his visa is about to expire this week.

Justice N Nagaresh ordered Kuttanelloor sub registrar to conduct the marriage on Friday and issue a marriage certificate on the same day after considering a petition filed by Dennis Joseph Thomas, who is originally from Poonjar. Marriage of Dennis and a woman from Thrissur was postponed since May 5 last year. While allowing the marriage, the court said life and relationships have to more forward and that mankind has to survive the pandemic.

In the plea, the bridegroom contended that he is unable to observe the 30-day notice period as per Special Marriage Act as his visa is about to expire.

Couples who live together without marriage, run together from moral mob

 Virginity is to be maintained unto marriage and if possible even beyond. Under no circumstance to be freely squandered on sundry men or women, however twinkling their eye or dimpled their cheek. Libido cannot be taken for test drives like cars, old Indian saying. Practise hardcore 24×7 chastity till wedding night, which is when good boys meet good girls. Marry that man, mothers tell daughters, there’s always his pension if he dies. Marry that woman, mothers tell sons, she looks just like me.

Matrimonial ad campaigns are run door to door on a vast network of brokers and aunties with free reception halls thrown in. In the land of matching gotras and honour killing, mumbo jumbo like ‘compatibility’ and ‘common interests’ are too First World to be trusted. Two members of the opposite sex cannot just rent a flat or buy a house and move in together – what will people say? May be legal, but socially and morally a no-no. Which also explains why so many ‘cousins’ hang out in parks and theatres. Just brothers and sisters doing the usual sibling stuff. Nothing to see here, move along.

The live-in pair is instantly identifiable: Domestic help can’t locate wedding photo on wall. Landlord now demands to see marriage certificate, the building will unleash its sniffer dogs. They may go on to find a cure for cancer, but in their neighbourhood they will always be that Unmarried Couple. Strangers will extol to them the virtues of wedded bliss on the street, in the lift, or while buying coconuts. As one husband put it: ‘I had to make my own dinner only once, when she was in labour.’ Everyone is asked two questions in life: When will you settle down and is there good news? Never is this asked in reverse order. Those who date eternally in search of a good fit, trying out partner after partner after partner, are not the sanskari type. Soulmates can be constructed from scratch; same caste, good family, a degree here, a pay slip there, two garlands and here’s your spouse.

It is all very well for lovers to say they will wed when/ if they want to have kids, and just live together meanwhile, thank you. With a population of roughly 1.38 billion, if there is one thing that worries India, it is running out of people. Don’t just live together and hog all the birth control. Hurry up and marry!

Goa government is set to introduce mandatory counselling for couples before marriage registration

 In a bid to combat rising cases of divorce, the Goa government is set to introduce mandatory counselling for couples before marriage registration. This counselling, which will be conducted by the state, would “explain the concept of marriage” to couples before they are allowed to enter into wedlock, law minister Nilesh Cabral said.

Cabral said the counselling would be done immediately after the first signature and would be conducted through the Goa Institute of Public Administration and Rural Development (GIPARD). “If any religious institutes want to join in the pre-marriage counselling, then they are also welcome,” he said.

“The certificate of completion of counselling (from GIPARD) would be compulsory for the second signature. It has come to our notice that the number of marriages is equal to the number of divorces in the state, and that is the reason we have taken this step to explain the concept of marriage to couples,” he said.

Under Goan law—the uniform civil code—the first signature is the couple’s declaration of intent to marry before the civil registrar. The second signature before the same authority, after 15 days of the first signature and within three months, is the formal marriage registration.

Cabral also said that couples are filing for divorce within six months to two years of marriage but didn’t produce any data to back the statement. He also said through counselling, the state government will explain the responsibilities of marriage to the couple.

Asked whether most divorces take place because of clashes with in-laws, state registrar-cum-head of notary services Ashutosh Apte said the government will try to help the bride and groom improve themselves and promote understanding between their in-laws, and understand the nature of the family “to develop them to live in society”.

Cabral said Goans, who have settled outside the state or country, used to face difficulties to register their marriage in Goa. Now, to streamline the marriage registration process for Goans who live outside the state, the state government has decided to give power to the district registrar, who will issue permission to register their marriage in Goa, thus nixing the need to go to court.

Cabral also said the state government has decided to start a citizen-friendly facilitation centre and helpline in all talukas to help people who are not well-versed with online technologies.

The minister added that it has been decided to go cashless at registration offices. “We will not take cash at sub-registrars’ offices. We have kept a POS machine for payment, and online payments will also be accepted,” he said.

He also said that the government has decided not to accept physical applications for duplicate copies of documents such as sale deeds. “The entire system will be put online,” he said.

Cabral also said that they have also decided to go paperless within the department, to help the people.

Around 40,000 weddings were cancelled in the last two months

 Punit Oswal, the owner of a lawn in Bibvewadi, isn’t thinking about reopening his facility for ceremonies, including marriages, even after the recently announced relaxations by the state government.

“It is too early to comment. Moreover, the marriage season is practically over and the new season begins only after Diwali,” Oswal said.

Around 40,000 weddings were cancelled in the last two months in the district owing to stringent measures to curb the second wave of Covid-19. The latest norms allow a maximum of 50 attendees for weddings and other functions but the banquet halls and lawns owners have very little to cheer about.

“The losses suffered by the marriage industry, which includes 55 types of businesses, are close to Rs250 crore in Pune district in last two months alone,” Kishor Sarpotdar, a representative of the Marriage Halls and Lawns Association of Pune, told TOI.

“We have two wedding seasons — March to July and post-Diwali till February. There are only a handful of muhurtas left in this season. Thus, at this point, relaxations in rules make no difference to the industry,” Sarpotdar, also the president of the Maharashtra Catering Association, said. The district has over 1,000 banquet halls and lawns, besides over 30,000 caterers. A representative of a banquet hall in Hadapsar saw 15 bookings cancelled.